The following post describes my personal situation with themes of anxiety, depression and mental health troubles.
So, it’s been a few months since I’ve posted here. Not that I haven’t been trying, but it hasn’t been easy to come back to blogging. While a lot has been happening in my life, some parts interesting, other parts less so, I haven’t really been inspired to write anything that, I feel, is really worth reading. I’m still working in my new job, I’m still doing the odd musical turn here and there and I’m still the same old loveable goofball with a penchant for video games and wrestling I always was. Therein, however, lies a problem. A small, ticking time-bomb of a problem that never really wants to go away.
I’m broken.
Admittedly, not ha-ha Matt Hardy broken: Spouting nonsense in a mock British Accent while calling everything “Wonderful.” (Though, I tend to do this more often than I intend…) More socially-awkward, panic-attack-prone, self-loathing-ridden broken.
And it’s been tough… really tough. I really don’t like talking about my personal issues on here because, truth be told, I’m an entertainer at heart. There’s nothing entertaining about someone realising their grip on their mind is slipping, becoming disenfranchised with the world as a whole or struggling to cope with changes in their life. Admitting one’s paralyzing fears of interacting with others, even those closest to them, is not fun. It’s depressing, a bring-down all round and an issue that should be dealt with in privacy.
I still think this. Even though I’m letting you all know this and it seems like a cry for help it really isn’t. If anything, it’s more of a notifier. Perhaps the answer to a question you might have had about me. That’s all I intend this article to be: a reason, or an excuse depending on your frame of mind. Maybe you’ve interacted with me in the past or maybe you’ve noticed how I act and wondered why I acted the way I did. Maybe you didn’t.
I have issues with anxiety… and it sucks.
I know I’m not alone in this, both figuratively and literally. I have support in my family and my friends, I’m seeking medical advice very soon and my work colleagues have been extremely helpful in helping me manage my issues. All I need to do, ultimately, is continue to move forward and not let this moment defeat me.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope to continue to be the entertainer that I know I can be soon enough.
EDOOWINNIE 